The quote that inspired me today

"Children are not the people of tomorrow, but are people of today. They have a right to be taken seriously, and to be treated with tenderness and respect. They should be allowed to grow into whoever they were meant to be. The unknown person inside each of them is our hope for the future."

-Janusz Korczak

The X-plan: Giving our children a way out of uncomfortable situation

I recently read a post by a dad named Bert Fulks about a way we could help our children deal with uncomfortable social situations without having them fear being ridiculed by their peers for wanting out of the situation. 

It's called the X-plan and it goes like this:

If your daughter or son are at a party and feel uncomfortable about any situation at the gathering, they could simply text the letter "X" to a family member (parent, sibling) and someone will immediately call them back and use the following script when talking to them: 

“Hello?”

“[Child's name], something’s come up and I have to come get you right now.”

“What happened?”

“I’ll tell you when I get there.  Be ready to leave in five minutes.  I’m on my way.”

Bert Fulks uses the X-plan with his children and says that "it is one of the most loving things we’ve ever given him [his son] and it offers him a sense of security and confidence in a world that tends to beat our young people into submission."

I think the X-plan is a great way for parents to show their children that they are on the same team. No matter what the children are going through, they could trust their parents wholeheartedly and rely on them for support. I also think this plan really promotes unconditional love and open communication with their children. 

One major component of the X-plan is that Bert Fulks' children could share as little or as much of their experience as they want once they have been picked up from the gathering. According to Bert Fulks, "the X-plan comes with the agreement that we will pass no judgments and ask no questions (even if he is 10 miles away from where he’s supposed to be).״

I think this agreement really enables the children to feel safe and secure to share their experiences with their family and to seek help if needed especially since they won't be judged unfavourably. 

Bert Fulks also answers some concerns that parents might have with the X-plan such as:

•"Doesn’t the X-plan encourage dishonesty?"

•"Does the X-plan cripple a kid socially instead of teaching them to stand up to others?"

•What if using the X-plan becomes habitual?

•If you don’t talk about it or ask questions, how do they learn?

•If they’re not where they’re supposed to be, shouldn’t there be consequences?

Also, I personally have never used the plan because my children are still too small (my eldest is 6.5 years old) so I am not sure how the X-plan could materialize with this age group. If you've tried out the plan, I'd love to hear your feedback. So far I've only read incredible feedback from people that left comments on Bert Fulks blog. 

Thank for stopping by! 

Wishing you many blessings on your parenting journey, 

H. 

A detailed version of the X-plan is here: https://bertfulks.com/2017/02/23/x-plan-giving-your-kids-a-way-out-xplan/

Hello and thank you so much for stopping by!

I started this blog, The Awakened Parent because I love learning about how to be a better mama and wanted to share some of the insights that I have gathered with whomever may be interested. I also thought this blog could be a great forum to hear what pearls of wisdom other parents have dug up over the years. Your comments will be greatly appreciated! 

Many blessings on your parenting journey, 

H