What is the difference between acting rude, being mean or bullying?

"Stop bullying her!״ "You're such a bully!" "My son got bullied!"

These are phrases that I've heard countless times from other people about their children. But what does the term "bully" really mean?

Signe Whitson wrote an article titled, "Rude Vs. Mean Vs. Bullying: Defining The Differences" that clearly delineates the difference between what it means to be rude, mean, and bullying. And I must say I've gotten confused over these definitions especially when my children act up.  

If anyone is interested, I've copied what each term means below. 

The main difference between “rude” and “mean” behavior has to do with intention; 

1) rudeness is usually unintentional

(Eg., not sharing a cookie, interrupting someone in mid conversation). 

2) mean behavior seeks to hurt or belittle someone. 

(Eg., "eww, didn't you wear that shirt last week?" "You only got that mark on the test? I'm much smarter!"). 

3) Bullying = has three elements

a) Intentionally aggressive behavior, 

b) repeated over time, and 

c) involves an imbalance of power. 

Whitson points out "kids who bully keep doing it, with no sense of regret or remorse — even when targets of bullying show or express their hurt or tell the aggressors to stop."

-Bullying  is further broken down to four types - it may be physical, verbal, relational or carried out via technology. 

-"Physical aggression includes hitting, punching, kicking, spitting, tripping, hair pulling, slamming a child into a locker and a range of other behaviors that involve physical aggression" (Whitson).

-Verbal aggression Whitson states, "is what our parents used to advise us to ׳just ignore.' We now know that despite the old adage, words and threats can, indeed, hurt and can even cause profound, lasting harm."

-Relational aggression is a form of bullying in which kids use their friendship—or the threat of taking their friendship away—to hurt someone. Social exclusion, shunning, hazing, and rumor spreading are all forms of this pervasive type of bullying that can be especially devastating to kids.

-Cyberbullying is a specific form of bullying that involves computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices.

"The likelihood of repeated harm is especially high with cyberbullying because electronic messages can be accessed by multiple parties, resulting in repeated exposure and repeated harm."

Why is it important to distinguish between rude, mean, and bully?

The author answers: because we are using the term bully too gratuitously and as a result creating a bit of a “little boy who cried wolf” phenomena. "In other words, if kids and parents improperly classify rudeness and mean behavior as bullying — whether to simply make conversation or to bring attention to their short-term discomfort — we all run the risk of becoming so sick and tired of hearing the word that this actual life-and-death issue among young people loses its urgency as quickly as it rose to prominence."

Finally, the author makes reference to an award winning author about bullying: 

http://www.trudyludwig.com